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Catch Me......im funner than a cold...... September 15 just a blurp.....
March 16 One ArtOne ArtThe art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent. The art of losing isn't hard to master. Then practice losing farther, losing faster: places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel. None of these will bring disaster. I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or next-to-last, of three loved houses went. The art of losing isn't hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster. ---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster. -- Elizabeth Bishop March 06 If Tomorrow Starts Without Me.........This is one i came across and wanted to save...........
If Tomorrow Starts Without Me When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not there to see, If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me, I wish so much you wouldn't cry While thinking of the many things, We didn't get to say. I know how much you love me, As much as I love you, and each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too. But when tomorrow starts without me, Please try to understand, That an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand, and said my place was ready, In heaven far above, And that I'd have to leave behind All those I dearly love. But as I turned to walk away, A tear fell from my eye For all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for, So much left yet to do, It seemed almost impossible, That I was leaving you. I thought of all the yesterdays The good ones and the bad, I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had If I could re-live yesterday Just even for a while, I'd say good-bye and kiss you and maybe see you smile. But then I fully realized, That this could never be, For emptiness and memories, would take the place of me. And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did, My heart was filled with sorrow. But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home When God looked down and smiled at me, From His great golden throne. He said, "This is eternity, And all I've promised you." Today your life on earth is past, But here life starts anew I promise no tomorrow, But today will always last, And since each day's the same way There's no longing for the past. You have been so faithful, So trusting and so true. Though there were times You did some things You knew you shouldn't do. but you have been forgiven And now at last you're free. So won't you come and take my hand And share my life with me? So when tomorrow starts without me, Don't think we're far apart, For every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart. David Romano June 11 Ok, here's another good one from Connor.....Ohhhhh Connor......
he comes up with some good ones...
Today, after going to the grocery store, i was waiting to pull out of the parking stall. Of course, first priority is always seat belts. i was patiently waiting for Connor to get organized and put his belt on, and after several minutes, i finally said to him,
"Connor, can you please put your seat belt on - im really hot just sitting here."
He looked up, and i could see he was scrambling for a good reason he hadnt already put it on.
"Well, you know, its hard to get your seat belt on when you have a sister like Camryn...."
I thought about this for a nano-second and then replied,
"Connor, Camryn is sitting in her car seat - what does she have to do with your seat belt not being on?"
his response:
"Its very hard to concentrate on what a person is supposed to be doing because she is so cute."
LOL!
good one Connor...... March 08 ValuesTo realize
LOSE ONE.
Remember... hold on tight to the ones you Love February 21 Accents....(?)Cami is home - new haircut and all.....She wanted to go back with Bev when Bev was leaving - the little stinker! Connor really missed her. He was looking at her and admiring her haircut - he had seen the pictures before she came home. He said he liked it because now it wouldnt get in her eyes. She was just walking circles around him and giving him kisses and petting his hair then walked away, and he said, " Camryn looks like a girl without an accent." Huh??? He said it matter of factly, so i had to find out what he meant.
"What do you mean Connor? What is an accent? What would a girl without an accent look like?"
"I dont know" he said, "but her accent is from dancing and she doesn't dance that good."
Interesting....i guess that answered my question. Makes perfect sense. Very logical....  February 20 Off she goes.....Cami has been in Hope for the last few days, visiting with everybody. I miss her but it is unbelievable how much a person can get done without her around to "help". Today Bev took her for her first haircut - i put the pictures up. She is having a great time, which i knew she would, but such a relief to hear. As a mother you instinctively feel responsible for their little feelings and worry that they will feel like you have abandoned them or not understand and be sad. She doesnt feel that way and isnt the least bit sad. Sounds like she is having a great old time and didnt even want to talk to me on the phone - which was kind of a surprise, since she loves talking on the phone. Maybe she needed a break from me - lol - a little vacation.
I feel very lucky to have these amazing people to share her with. It is very obvious how much she is loved and how much they care. February 19 The Train RideBev sent this to me and I really liked it so i am passing it on to you.
The Train Ride Some folks ride the train of life Looking out the rear, Watching miles of life roll by, And marking every year.
They sit in sad remembrance, Of wasted days gone by, And curse their life for what it was, And hang their head and cry.
But I don't concern myself with that, I took a different vent, I look forward to what life holds, And not what has been spent.
So strap me to the engine, As securely as I can be, I want to be out on the front, To see what I can see.
I want to feel the winds of change, Blowing in my face, I want to see what life unfolds, As I move from place to place.
I want to see what's coming up, Not looking at the past, Life's too short for yesterdays, It moves along too fast.
So if the ride gets bumpy, While you are looking back,
Go up front, and you may find, Your life has jumped the track.
It's all right to remember, That's part of history, But up front's where it's happening, There's so much mystery.
The enjoyment of living, Is not where we have been, It's looking ever forward, To another year and ten.
It's searching all the byways, Never should you refrain, For if you want to live your life, You gotta drive the train!
January 29 Canada and the World-a-ThonThis week is Connor's Canada & the World-A-Thon. I am so proud of him. I was studying with him for the upcoming test and i was impressed with how much he knows about our nation, province and city. He can tell you who the names of our Prime Minister, Premier, and Mayor. He knows the capital cities, the oceans, the national animals and languages, and a tonne of information about the world. He is a smart little kid. He is going to raise alot of money from his pledges because i am confident he is going to get all of his questions correct.
Good job Connor - i love you baby - you are such a smart boy! here's a little story.....My friend Linda sent me this little story in an email. Its message really struck home with me. It seems, at times that because you want things so badly in your life sometimes, that you would sacrifice other things just to keep them. Sometimes, you have a hard time seeing beyond what you have. Anyways, i really enjoyed the story and it touched my heart, hopefully it touches someone elses too.
Here goes.......
The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five.
Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. "Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?" Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma." As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17
pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents. On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green. Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?" "Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you." "Then give me your pearls." "Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite." "That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss. About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do
you love me?" "Daddy, you know I love you." "Then give me your pearls." "Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper." "That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss. A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. "What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?" Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, daddy; this is for you." With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure. So it is, with our Heavenly Father (or life, if you arent religious). He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful
treasures.
Isn't God (life) good? Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? (or are you holding onto things in your life that you should let go of?) Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners,
relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing.... God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place. (or when you let go of negative things in your life, they are replaced by better, more positive influences.)
The greatest gifts happen when you share love and touch others.  January 18 Ooooh Connor....Have you seen the new "ALWAYS maxipads" commercial? You know, the one that comes with a personal cleansing cloth attached to the package of each pad......Some of the slogans they are using to sell their product use expressions similar to this:
" Now you can feel shower fresh - even without the shower..."
Apparently, this is a great way to sell the product - even to consumers they arent targeting...like seven
year old boys.
Immediatly after watching one of these commercials the other day, Connor turned to me and said,
"I think maybe you should get me some of those."
Slightly amused i asked, "oh yeah? why is that?"
his response....
"You know, so i can feel shower fresh - even without a shower...."
Then he kind of shrugged, "....that would save water."
I've always said Connor was a victim of advertising......but i never said it wasnt entertaining.
December 16 I can still hear your voice.....Mom,
I just wanted you to know that i still hear your voice. It's still clear in my head.....like you spoke only a few moments ago. I close my eyes and I see your face - always smiling...........and i miss you so much. There are so many things that I wish I had said...that I wish I could still say - but now you are gone. I cant tell you how hard that is to accept. My heart hurts, its a pain that wont go away and I dont think it ever will. How do you make peace with losing someone you love so much? There is no peace in accepting loss.....just emptiness and longing.
I will never forget you and I will never stop loving you.
I know that if what you believe is true that you will be enjoy a new life with no pain and suffering...... a perfect world, with no disease and death. Im glad you had your faith and something to give you strength to hang onto right to the end. I desperately hope that your spirit carries on in peace.......... I dont see how it couldnt. You are what we all aspire to be Mom.....
I love you and I miss you every single day. October 21 Being Young is Tough......Connor is going to be 7 soon....... wow. Time sure passes quickly.
Driving today he started expressing some concerns he had about his approaching birthday.........Anyone who knows Connor knows that he DOES NOT like change. Which poses a problem when considering that his birthday will ultimately mean that he is getting older......that he is no longer 6 years old THUS things are changing. For whatever reason this has sparked an awareness of his mortality. It seems that he realizes that as we get older we get closer to death......
These were his comments.....
"oooooh, why do people have to have birthdays....why do we have to get older - why cant we just stay the same?"
"i dont want to get older. i want to be this way forever."
"ooooooh.............! why did i even have to be born!?"
"i wish i was never born......."
"i dont want to die...."
"why do i have to die? can i do anything so i dont die?"
"oooooooooh.....mommy, im scared of dying."
"does it hurt when u die................i know its going to hurt me inside when i die..."
Honestly, it was all very unsettling. I dont recall having these kind of concerns when i was 6 years old. Poor Connor...... he was honestly very bothered by all of this....I did my best to try to comfort him and make him feel a little more secure in the fact that he had so much life ahead of him. Im sure that much of his concerns about dying are probably in relation to my mom dying last year. He saw the way she deteriorated more and more each visit to the hospital. I tried to explain that when a person is dying it is often more painful for the people who love them than it is for them.
How sad that he has to be so worried about things like that. Its funny that you try so hard to protect your children from the unknown and possible threats and worries in life, yet it is the facts of life themselves that scare them most. How do you protect them from the inevitable?
Time to focus on the joys of being a child and celebrating life.........
until next time..... October 14 ThanksgivingThe last few months have been very refreshing. I dont think there is anything better than being able to spend time with family and friends. We had a great visit with both of our families over the summer. Connor loved being able to run and play and discover with all the room on Nor's property. Now that we are back home and settling back into the school routine and work week, we spend as much time as we can with Justin's family in Hope. When we dont get a chance to see them on the weekends, it is a huge let down. I find myself looking forward to each weekend with them. It is nice to have people around that honestly care about eachother and are as excited as we are to see Cami growing, learning and changing. We had a really great visit with everyone at Wally and Dianne's at Thanksgiving. It was so much fun to sit around and hear all of the stories and listen to them reminisce (sp?). I finally got a chance to meet Christina's husband Blair, who was witty and intelligent - a perfect compliment to Christina (who tells the best stories!). I think everybody enjoyed the wonderful food and company.
Family has always been important to me and i dont think there is a greater gift you can give your children than that of family. They are the ones that you build memories with; the ones that you laugh with; the ones who look out for you; and they are the ones who will always be there - regardless of how many friends come and go. They help you appreciate who you are and how to appreciate the goodness in other people. They are a source of comfort and belonging. They honestly do love you unconditionally, in spite of your flaws. They are who you draw strength from when you feel down or lose hope. Family encourage you to do your best and reach your goals. They see in you what you sometimes can not see yourself - and they remind you of it. Family is what makes each of us who we are.
I guess I just have been reflecting on just how grateful I should be for the people I have in my life, and how fortunate I am to have them. SO, to everyone in our family........thank you....for everything you do, for all that you are and for never having to wonder if you love us. (especially you Bev, for always being such an encouraging example and for everything you do for us (and everyone else).....i dont know how you do it....but thank-you, we love you.)
June 15 My Little Sister.........Do you ever feel like it seems you are living each day just waiting for something? Like, for example, my recent trip out to take care of my neice and nephew (Daxten and Desiree). Although it had only been a couple of months since i had seen them last, i couldnt wait to get out there to spend time with them - even more so...to spend time with my little sister. I knew i wouldnt have ALOT of time to spend visiting my sister, as the whole reason i was going out in the first place was to take care of the kids while she was away....but i anticipated having a few days that we could spend doing the things we like to do together......gardening, building something - whatever happened to tickle our fancy. As it turned out, i DID have an incredibly fulfilling visit with the kids and the rest of the family. I got a chance to spend some time with my Dad, who i have been worried about and missing a great deal, especially since my Mom died. I also got to spend time with Ter and her kids. Jess and her husband Jordan, and James and his wife Tara and the babies Bri and Colby - who up until then i had really never even had a chance to get to know. I got to catch up with my little brother, who i love to peices - you really dont realize how much time has passed until u sit and reminisce with someone - and with Chelle and Chloe (my little Cookie).
Initially, my older sister Bonnie was going to have everyone over for a bbq but there was an unexpected change of plans so everyone just came to Nor's to get together. I was really looking forward to seeing Bon - we havent spent much time together over the last few years and when i think about how close we used to be - it hurts to think maybe she doesnt remember. I know that has nothing to do with why she had to cancel but it just seems like you build up something in your head and look forward to it and think about how great it will be and it is almost like a jinx. If only i hadnt wanted it so much. Anyways........Everyone got together at Nor's, Bon couldnt come because of the work she was having done at her place....and Nor wasnt going to be at her own house when everyone was there - I almost felt like a traitor.....here I was in Nor's house having a family bbq and she wasnt even there to be able to enjoy it. At least everybody knows where she lives now so when she organizes another one Ken and Dad wont have to argue about which way they are supposed to go (just kidding ...lol).
Its sad....i wish that we didnt have to suffer the tragedy of losing my mom to realize how much the closeness we have always shared as a family, really meant to us. I know that I was not the best at keeping in touch with everybody on a consistent basis.....I guess I didnt stop to consider how much I would regret not spending as much time with them as i could until i realized that once they are gone....they are gone.....thats it. There are no more, "Oh, I will get out there next summer." or "Maybe next Christmas." You cant rewind the past and redo what u would like to change......I also didnt consider that letting family know what is going on in your life is far more beneficial than shutting them out to save face or keep from losing your pride. It is so much easier to see that in hind sight than at the time. Like they say......"tomorrow never comes - never put off 'til tomorrow, what u can do today."
Regardless, my whole point in even writing anything in here today was because I miss my little sister. I hated having to come home. Hated not being able to spend time with her. Hated her not being there with everyone. It just was such an obvious void. We just dont let time pass without being able to be around eachother.....we dont let there be a chance for it to happen. We have always been there for eachother and had eachother to lean on and to rejuvenate our spirits.......so now i kind of feel like im out of gas....like i didnt get my refill and the fumes are all i am running on.....NOT THAT U STINK DICKIE.....lol......it was supposed to be a metaphor.
Nevertheless, I am anxious to get back out there to spend time with everyone and make sure i get a chance to spend time with Bon and Nor. We used to have the best times u guys - if u just sit and think about it for a minute - u'll remember.....
I love you guys.......(yes this is gay and sappy - but i had to get it out because i cant get it off of my mind.) April 24 Loaded Questions.......So, another interesting conversation with Connor......
Driving home last night we were passing the little pond that we usually see two ducks swimming in. I saw him scan the pond, like he normally does, looking for them. It was dark and they were not in the water. He slumped down in his seat for a second then turned towards me and asked,
"Mommy, can ducks fly?"
I replied, "Yes."
As he usually does, after asking me a question, he disagreed with my answer.
"No they cant!"
(why he gets mad at me for telling him the truth i dont know....)
"Yes, Connor, they can."
Crossing his arms, he frowned, then said almost under his breath....
"Not if i cut off their wings they can't."
...........good ol' Connor........always thinkin'........
"Nope.....you've got me there. They definitly couldnt fly if u cut off their wings...."
Doesnt it beg to question, why ask?
lol......sometimes i really love being wrong.
April 22 Sometimes i feel like i am living in a Dr.Suess bookThe other day i was driving with Connor in the car, on the way to my sisters house. He had been practiicing spelling words of things he was looking at, like car, truck, raod, etc. Then for a couple of minutes, he sat there quietly, i assumed tired of that game. After a short while, he turned to me and said, "how do u spell TREE?" so i told bim T-R-E-E. He said, "No, I mean TREE like christmas tree or a tree that grows in your yard..." I again repeated, "T-R-E-E" . For whatever reason this seemed to bother him and he thought i was trying to be funny or something, because he said....."no, really mommy.....you know, like the tree with blossoms?"
"Yes," i said, as i sounded it out slowly for him, enunciating each sound, "T-R-E-E".
He growled and said he knew i was joking because he knew it started with C-H
i kind of giggled and said, "No, it starts with a T, Connor, it is TREE not CHREE."
A couple of days later, we were talking on the way home from picking him up from school. He was telling me that it had been Pierre's birthday and that he hadnt licked the icing on the cupcakes (he had done that to 6 cupcakes on Christopher's birthday, so i guess he was proud of his restraint). I commended him for taking a lesson out of a mistake he had made and told him i was proud of him for making a conscious effort not to make the same mistake. He smiled....then asked me when his birthday was again. I reminded him.....October 29th. He nodded and said, "thats right. October. The same as Lillians - except hers is on the 39th." I wasnt sure if i heard him correctly so i asked him, "when is Lillian's birthday?" he repeated, "October 39th". I tried to tell him that there were only 31 days in October. He nodded and said. "oh, sorry - i meant February 39th." I tried telling him that February only had 28 days and that the most days any month had were 31 but again he growled and thought i was trying to fool him.
Sometimes, i seriously feel like i am living in a Dr.Suess book. March 24 I've learned....
March 13 my sisterHAPPY BIRTHDAY DICKIE DEE!!!! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN U WILL EVER KNOW...............
(more to come for u here, stay posted) March 06 The Five Factors Test***Your Values Profile***
Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount.
You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty:
You value honesty a fair amount.
You're honest when you can be, but you aren't a stickler for it. If a little white lie will make a situation more comfortable, you'll go for it. In the end, you mostly care about "situational integrity." Generosity:
You value generosity a fair amount.
You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take. Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need. But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! Humility:
You value humility a fair amount.
You tend to be an easy going, humble person. But occasionally your ego takes over. You have a slight competitive streak - and the need to be the best. Tolerance:
You value tolerance highly.
Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you... You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends. You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them. March 05 just one big run on sentence........do u ever get the sense that something is missing and cant quite put your finger on what it is? like everything is right but ur sure that there is something still missing?
it seems to happen most of the time when i actually take a moment to sit and ponder my own thoughts and feelings and analyze how i perceive situations in my life. its like i have to decide whether i accept things as they are or whether the truth of the matter is that im not happy with things and take a stand and decide on change. for the most part, it isnt other people or events that bother me.....more often than not, it is how i am dealing with something or someone or even sometimes the simple fact that i am avoiding the issue all together.
I believe that you have to face your problems or fears and look them straight in the face if u ever really want to resolve or conquer them. Acknowledging that they are there and failing to take any sort of measure to alievate the stress they undoubtedly bring - just seems to promote the vicious circle of defeat, because seeing what is wrong and looking away - does not make it disappear....it WILL still be there when u look back. Taking the time to consider the different areas in our lives that need work and then actually taking steps to improve upon them.....now THAT is how things actually start moving - changing - working towards something better.
..............otherwise, its just like one big run on sentence.......sure, u've said everything you want to say with plenty of words, maybe even lots of details. Still without the extra effort it takes to stop and make collective ideas, thoughts or sense - everything just blends together. Eventually, after much back tracking and rereading, the reader will most likely make sense of what u wrote or get the general idea u are trying to get across, but it isnt easy reading and carries no momentum.
such is life.....
take the time to make each peice make sense and it will make the rest of your life alot easier to flow into. no hang ups, no backtracking.......just the continuity to move forward....easily. February 22 Ok, Lindsey....this is for u...I am sitting here in front of this computer, wishing i could somehow transform my words - materialize them - to find some way to send u some kind of sense of comfort.
I know u are hurting and i know when it rains it pours and with each drop the colder the world seems and darkness closes in.
U arent alone sweets. Even on the worst days and the quietest moments - honestly - u arent. I know that right now nothing that i say will mean much to u - but im going to say it anyway. NOT because i think it counts for anything but simply because i think the world of u. I dont think u know how special u are or truly grasp the value of your unique personality. Not many people twice your age are able to handle themselves as rationally and with as much compassion and understanding as you do on a regular basis. Its rough being a decent, caring person - isnt it? Doesnt it feel like in order for other people to be happy or at least not feeling a loss - that you are always the one sucking it up? That being fair seems to always mean - fair to someone else? When does it pay off? RIght? Why do u have to suffer for someone else to be ok?
It doesnt make sense.....why when u try so hard just to make people happy, does it seem like after it is all said and done, u are left standing - alone - in a puddle of tears and there isnt anyone left around to even pass u a mop?
I know that feeling. The only thing worse than feeling that is sitting here thinking that you are experiencing that very thing and watching u wade through it - and just having no idea what i should say.
Did u ever notice that from a distance, staring down from a valley at the lights of a city look so pretty and inviting but standing staring directly up into them they are blinding? Such is life. Contemplating what we see ahead of us, with a positive frame of mind, can seem so much more do-able than actually encountering it head-on.....its alot larger than life when u are standing smack dab in the middle of it - blinking and squinting to have things back in clear view.
Just dont doubt yourself. You have to know that the person u are is pretty incredible and anyone who knows u can confirm that if u have any doubt. NOT that u do or would, but i think u know what i mean.
Im going to leave it at that for now - only because my need for sleep is slowing my ability to say what i really want and u deserve more than a bunch of garbled nonsense..............so for now, im signing off.
Lots of love for u....................even if u dont want it.
February 19 new catch..........I stumbled across a little phrase yesterday that - for whatever reason - i really have grown fond of...........- YES - keep in mind - i do NOT know the reason why i feel the need to record it here so i dont forget it - but that is the sole purpose behind this blog.
"Your brains are a stinking mass of shit."
why......wHy.......WHY?
i dont know. Greg is right. I really do need to get a life. Small things that easily please or entertain i guess.
Dont ask for an explaination. I dont have one. February 18 when life throws something at u - its all about how u catch it.Sometimes there are periods of time in your life where u sit down, hold your head and feel the wieght of your heart in your chest. You can reflect on times past and question how or why you got to be exactly where u are sitting, and ponder the "what if's" until your head is spinning. As seemingly pointless as some people might think that may be - i think it serves a purpose. If we didnt long for opportunities to ammend our errors or chances or opportunities we let pass, is it likely we would conciously make efforts to see we didnt make the same mistakes again - or resolve issues that otherwise we may not be aware we had?
*sigh*
Sometimes, life takes things away from us - never to be seen again - regardless of how badly we need them - how hard we fight to keep them - how hard it will be without them. Seldom, when this happens, does it seem fair or are we able to see through the loss rationally and look forward with an open mind and optimism. At those times, most everything from that point seems bleak and feels like we are towing a heavy load. Nothing seems easy anymore.
Eventually, as time passes.....the bleeding wound heals over - leaving a scar to remind us of that mistake or loss - forever.....it has healed - but wont be forgotten, still sensitive should it be bumped - but strong enough to make due...carefully, but always with us. We move on, accept the loss - and hopefully, take something positive to be learned from it.
On the other hand, there are times in life when we lose sight of things - possibly let something slip away without much notice - until it is gone - then in hindsight we reflect back and wonder how we could have been so blind or foolish or distracted to have realized the importance of what was now gone. We still move forward in life - but somehow - a part of us is left behind - our heart anchored to that period in time - refusing to let us drift too far from where it feels it needs to be. We go through life, seeking happiness like everyone else - meeting people along the way, never really knowing what we are missing out on (but always wondering).........
There are few people that are fortunate enough to have dropped there anchor and after floating through the sea of life, with its storms and waves - not to have snapped free and be left to drift. It has to be a strong bond that keeps that anchor secured - failing to let us get too far asea - giving us the chance to pull it back up onboard, and really set sail.
Yep, few people are so fortunate.....................
Those who are, sail off - enjoying the voyage and riding the waves - TOGETHER.
I love u Ter, you deserve so much happiness and sometimes........the best things come (back) to those who wait.
February 16 been awhile..........again.Its been awhile since i have had a chance to sit down here and actually put a few thoughts out there. My time is limited and i may not get a chance to anything noteworthy here today - but i will take a shot.
My sisters Terry and Norri were out visiting, along with Nor's two youngest kids Dax and Desi. I hate it now that they are gone because it just hits hard how much i miss them everyday. That is one thing i am so thankful for with the ever growing web access and multi-function uses of the computer - it sure does make it alot easier to be so far away.....keeping in contact and having the use of the webcam to be able to see family whenever i get the chance, makes the transitions alot easier. *sigh* I talk to Bon online whenever i get a chance - which is definitly more now than it was before. I wish she could have come out to but she works everyday and her holidays are already booked so taking more time off would not only put her out but definitly would rattle her schedule im sure. Oh well, just have to keep using that webcam and emphasize how badly she needs to invest in a mic....for the record Bon, $60 at wal-mart will get u a Logitech Quick Cam Messenger webcam that has a built in mic....of course purchasing an additional headset with mic for $15 for the same department is also a good investment and handy for when u dont feel like turing the cam on - or just want to send voice clips.
oh oh - i told u this might not be such a great blog - Camryn is waking up - i have to tend to her and i will see if i cant get on here again later to add something a little more interesting......
im off.
coming Cami..............! |
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